Rwandan Wedding

Sitting over a beer with Christiane, a French Canadian volunteer and her Rwandan husband Baj, there was much discussion about their best friend’s wedding which was going to take place the following week. Before I knew what was happening, a phone call to the said best friend and I was also invited - to good an opportunity to miss!

The following Friday “ the invited guests” attended the first part of the wedding ceremony where friends and relatives go and visit their respective side of the family for the dowry ceremony. This involves calling at the home of the bride or groom where you are then asked for a financial donation which goes towards the wedding celebrations, all of which follow a traditional format that must be adhered to. I understand from Christiane that the groom’s home was considered too small to entertain the guests, so a house was hired specially for the weekend to accommodate this part of the wedding.

On the Saturday, I was given instructions on where to arrive for the religious part of the ceremony, followed by the traditional wedding celebrations. I was told to meet at 1.30 but in typical UK tradition, I was early and had the opportunity of watching the bridal car being decorated with flowers and ribbons. 

What I didn’t realize was that there were two weddings taking place at the same venue and I was watching the car for the other bridal party. No matter, it was very entertaining and helped to pass the time until Christiane and Baj arrived. However in typical African style, the wedding did not start at 2.00pm as we had been told but eventually started at 4.00pm! Unusually the religious part was also to be conducted in the hotel instead of a church but the party filtered in, fairly small at this stage, with the bridal party standing at the front of the room while the preacher did his share of ranting and fist thumping, then the couple signed the register and exchanged rings. 

There were a few spectators/guests in the audience but most spent the time wandering in and out or speaking on their phones apart from yours truly, who sat dutifully in the front row taking everything in. The bridal party then went out to get photos taken and we were left for some  considerable time and had no option but to adjourn to the bar for a much needed Primus.

Eventually a far larger number of people turned up and started to filter into the hall so we made our way back in, found a seat almost at the back this time and watched as friends of the bride and groom formed a line of honour with sparklers and we watched the bridal couple exchange a glass of something before cutting the ribbon under the archway and walking up to the front platform. They were then followed by a dance troupe, who danced their way up behind the party and did a small floor show for us.

The next part of the ceremony was an exchange of speeches between the bride and groom’s parents, where they barter over what each family will lose and receive in order for this wedding to take place, a lot of the dialogue involves numbers of cows, being the wealthiest gift that can be given. Once this is all agreed upon, the bride and groom cut the cake ( or should that be cakes?) and then the bride takes cake to the groom’s family and the groom to the bride’s. 

Once the family party has all been served the Fantas come out and the rest of the guests are served with cake and Fanta. While this was all happening the dance troupe appeared again and performed another routine to entertain us.

Once the guests had all been caked and fantad, the present giving began and people lined up in a long procession to hand over their gifts but of course no gift was handed over without some speech making and - oh boy! do Rwandans love to make speeches. I had taken a small gift ( a little token from Scotland ) but in typical volunteer style it was inside a recycled brown paper bag. However I was told, when Baj saw it, that I could not hand it over as the wrapping would appear disrespectful to the bridal party, so my little gift went back home with me.

Things wound up around 7.30pm and most of the guests had already left but I was told that the bride and groom would go home with all the parents and relatives for the final part of the celebration where they would have something to eat, probably around 11.00pm – however nothing more than cake for the rest of the guests.

All in all, an interesting experience but at no point did the bride or groom look particularly happy, obviously a ceremony which satisfies the parents and relatives of the bride and groom by following all the tr